Some want to be the hero, Some want to be the villain, and some just want to watch the world burn.

Hey, I know I never post, I never feel the real need, or have anything I feel is interesting.
Buuuut, as it stands I need somewhere to vent, which is really all this is, right? Somewhere to vent anonymously, catharsis is the psychological term, well... By definition it's the physical release of emotions through an activity, like screaming into a pillow or punching a wall, I think this would count as such.
I'm rambling, sorry, I shouldn't apologize but oh well. Still rambling, so I'll just sum it up, or not, depends how I feel, still rambling. shit.
Well, things have been dandy for me, I've been happy in a relationship for five and a half months now, I've had a really contempt feeling for the most part, a very modest happiness I suppose.
Have you ever had a feeling, that someone that just spontaneously left, would one day ever return?
I was really torn on the matter, like most things in my mind, I have too many opinions and outlooks on too few of matters.
I suppose I'll summarize it, my love interest for the first two years of highschool, we were best friends, talked day and night, I always had a thing for her, and she said she knew, but she just strung me along, which I'm grateful for because it made me grow balls and do things I wouldn't have normally done before.
There were at least three occasions she had came to me, crushed, and all I could do was stand there and hug her, if anyone has ever influenced me more, it was her. She's the reason I want to be a psychologist/psychiatrist, I wanted to be the one to take care of her. I thought love was being able to enjoy caring someone through their rough patches, and and being able to laugh the rest of the time.
It's really hard for me to keep a conversation with anybody, I'm too terribly boring.. But with her, We could talk weeks on end and never have an awkward silence or nothing to say.
But things started getting complicated, I won't go into depth on this part because I still don't understand it myself completely, but we stopped talking, and eventually not at all, I'd see her around campus, being happy, and it would tear me asunder inside.. I had found a reason to drop something at her doorstep (not literally, I had a painting of her that I entered in an art competition and I was going to give it to her) so I wrote a letter to her saying my final goodbyes, and she retorted with another letter. It was the single most thing that had made me happy for months, I had closure. We had a picture perfect ending and I was ready to move on.. But, later she had told me she could see herself spending her life with me, how could I leave? I couldn't! I said I would wait for her to be ready, but we rushed it, we dated for 6 days, then she broke up with me. She wasn't the same. She had changed, I had changed, and we never spoke again. She robbed me of my closure, I thought I moved on after half a year, that's why I entered this current relationship. I thought I would never see her again, although there was a part of me that held on, mentally preparing myself for if she did.
I'm a very intrinsic person, If I don't know what I'd do in a situation, it terrifies me, for several months I thought I'd act with anger, or if I'd just loose my shit there. Then i gave it more thought, and figured I could be noble, "Hello, thank you for making me the person I am (but shattering my psyche, thanks)"
Then, whilst preparing for a party, I looked at the note she had written and I picture I had of the both of us, and I figured I was ready to let go and throw them away, just four days later, she adds me on facebook.
Mother fucking universe, how dare it throw me a curve ball like this. I felt more emotion in those two instances than I have in , well I suppose it makes a year and half... Jesus, talk about time, eh?

Well, now you're pretty caught up.
She wouldn't have added me if she didn't have the intention of making contact with me, right?
She's very picky about her friend's list, she only has 70 friends, and I know she knows way more than that.
Part of me really wants to say hi and thank her, but the other part wants to make wait and make her message me first. I don't think I'll hold out... maybe I can dig that letter out of the garbage... fuck...
I hope you all are having a lovely day

Just a thought I had

I was bored, so I started analyzing my past philosophies
one of them was transcendentalism
for those of you who don't know, it is the idea that you should "transcend" or rise above the circumstances of a situation to make the best decisions.
Sounds like a good idea, right?
keeps you from making enemies
keeps you happy and what not.
However, I also used to feel really distant from people.
At the time I wasn't sure if it was just by paranoia of them or what.
But it wasn't until lately that I started to connect it with the philosophy of transcendentalism.
I used to think it should be used for everything to find a solution for any problem.
But now I'd argue that's not true.
It's effective when you're listening to someone's problem and being objective,
although it should not be used, in my opinion, to solve your own problems.
You could debate wither or not being omnipotent is good or not, but you should experience life and indulge yourself in the struggles that present themselves in front of you.
Do it with gusto!
Fiery passion!
Emotion!
carry the experiences with you in your consciousness, and with each experience gain a bit more of who you truly are until you achieve full self actualization!
I don't know about you guys, but nothing pisses me off more (and I am quite difficult to piss off or even anger) than not knowing how I would react in a situation.
Anyway, food for thought,
have a lovely life.

Anime, that's my shit

So yeah, there's been a lot of good animes I've been watching recently.
Just finished Steins;Gate... thoughts on that... ERMAHGERD It is honestly one of the best animes I've seen in awhile, It's a bit predictable with it's foreshadowing in some parts, but the plot and ending are absolutely amazing.
Basic premise: A mad Scientist (as he calls himself, really he's just a nerd in a labcoat... well... he does invent stuff.. huh) ends up making a time machine out of a tv his landlord owns, a microwave, and a cell phone. But this isn't any ordinary time machine, it doesn't send people back in time... it just turns them into green jello... It can only send back text messages, but the text messages they do send end up changing the present they're in. I'll stop there just because you should just go watch it =.=

Blue Exorcist (a.k.a. Ao No Exorcist): Pretty good, it has a mix of childish antics, dark brooding moments, and it's mostly based off religious shit, I'm always excited to see that a new episode came out... Well, dubbed, I'll wait for dubbed... not a big fan of subbed.

which brings me to my third anime

Amnesia: This is a new anime even for the japs, and I know I just said I don't like subbed, but this is WORTH IT. So far from what i've gathered in the 6 episodes I've watched, this little demon kid that no one can see bumped into the soul of this girl and evidently they became intertwined and now only she can see him. A side effect of this though is she lost all her memories of everyone. And every once in awhile she'll wake up on august 1 and a different guy comes by and says that he is her boyfriend... there are 5 but she's only been to 3 different worlds where she's dated 2 of them so far. So either she's tripping on balls and constantly gets roofied and all these guys are punking her or what, I still have high expectations for this anime.

Update

Güten tag!
Hey guys!
Sorry I haven't updated in awhile... nothing has really happened that I felt was update worthy : |
Well... atleast not until this week... and a bit of last week..
Um... let's go in chronological order
Smoked some herbal shit with some friends, I didn't feel much of an effect but who cares, I'm experimenting!
I got my drivers license on friday! :D woot woot and what not
Also one of my friends has been very adamant about me asking a lady friend of mine out
And I did intend to do it... eventually, But when I was busy getting my license he told her that I'd ask her out on monday... Yeah no pressure <.<
So I had to find a nice way to make it over the top, random and ostentatious... Go big or go home.
I ended up doing it on teusday and it was really more like rape... Alright, start scenario
(me) (otherfriend) (lady friend) my other friend gets up and runs away like lady friend has the plague, then salutes me. so now it's (me)     (lady friend), so I grab the chair she's sitting in and scoot it right next to mine and put my arm around her.
Me: "So, how ya doing?"
Lady friend: and with an.. awkward... happyish smile thingy she goes, "I'm alright."
Me: "Sooo.... Wanna go out?"
Lady friend: "Suree"
2nd friend: "That was so palely awkward"
So much for ostentatious.
Anyway, we're going out now... I guess... doesn't really feel like it, but oh well, maybe it'll change in time.
Today is/was valentines day... Happy valentines day!
I couldn't really get Lady friend anything... I felt really bad... so I wrote her a hand written note... those are still cool, right? Meh, I saw her read it across the class room (Yeah, level 92 stalker right here) she giggled twice so... score? Anyway, just thought I should put that on here... hope you guys/gals are enjoying yourselves :D

That moment when

Didn't have school today, that was pretty awesome

Watched lion king 1 1/2 and found an allusion to Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar." that was cool

Saw that my preferred site for watching anime uploaded 3 new episodes to a show I liked, that was sweet

Listened to a song that I used to listen to a lot when I had a love interest who I thought I still had feelings for... felt didly SQUAT about her as I listened to it, that was fan fucking tastic.

And I'm having chinese for dinner, I've been craving it all day e.e
so that's basically what I did for today, woo for self actualization!

ALSO there have been 42 views on my blog... haha 42... just thought that was worth mentioning it'll probably change after I post this... huh

I think I'm going to stop using color to separate ideas... yeah.. I'll do that =.=

Yay new people!!

So I got home today, checked Cali's blog and saw that she shared me... (thank you btw)
Checked mine and saw I had two new followers o.o
Que my anthropophobia *starts hyperventilating*
That's pretty sad when you're scared of people on the internet..
Haha, anyway, Welcome new people! :D
I hope you're entertained... I suppose I should start posting more... huh
So today I had a runny nose... that's blog worthy, yes? no?
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?
There's always time for a 300 reference
So... that's all I have for now...
See you guys later!

So basic summary of today:
Wake up
skip a lot of details
eating little kids oatmeal because it's got motherfucking cinnamon and dinosaur eggs in it,
I was watching the news as I was eating my oatmeal, and it said 2 elementary kids got suspended because they were playing cops and robbers and using their hands as guns.... Really? <.<
Rage, rage, oatmeal, rage.
skip a lot more details.
I was sitting in math and the teacher says, "a variable can be anything basic, like 'x', or even a complicated image like '_____'" and he expected me to make up some shit... so I put a penis... made a new friend in the process, and then erased it and replaced it with a penguin... 
several minutes later
me and my friends took our notes from history class, which are basically just fill in the blank, and made it into a mad libs, funny shit right there, can't remember any of it... oh well. 
Well I'm going to go take a shower and eat some mother fucking oatmeal, FREUD STYLE.
Any of you who are not aware who the hell Freud is, look him up, or maybe I'll just explain it later... that'll give me something to do... anyway.
Until later.